The above is an artist's rendering of a festively adorned sea beast (not to scale.)
The below is a letter to Santa Claus from a frustrated kraken:
I hope this letter makes it to the North Pole in time. I gave it to a mackerel who said he was meeting an eel buddy of his about halfway to the arctic who’s delivering a Yule log to a polar bear who - as luck would have it - is intending to eat a penguin that hangs out near where you and Mrs. Claus live.
At any rate, my Christmas Wish this year is just some advice from one fictitious fellow to another: How do you get people to believe in you, Santa? I think it’s amazing what following you have and if I could just get a cruise ship captain to acknowledge and maybe even fear me a little, I’d be soooo happy.
So, if you could just write back with some words of advice, I would really appreciate it. Also, if you want to toss one of those tasty elves overboard when you’re above the Indian Ocean this Christmas Eve, I’d be deeply thankful. I’m having some mermaids over for cocoa later and they just go nuts when I put the little dismembered pixie parts in with the marshmallows.
Hope all is well. Give the missus my love.