Sunday, June 24, 2012
A Piranha's Admission of Illiteracy
The above is Perry the Piranha, who is still living in the '90s as defined by daytime Disney programming.
Below is Perry's frank and hopeful letter.
I am dictating this letter to Gordon, my best mate, a sea anemone who also happens to be a grade A typist. I cannot write this note myself as I am - as hard as it is to admit - unable to read.
You see, I dropped out of grade school at a tender young age in order to chase my Hollywood dreams. Time passed. I got older. My scales grew dryer. I lost my virginity to a famous actor. I dabbled in Scientology. I played a small role in the '90s Disney series Ocean Girl. I thought I was happy. I was merely filling a void. So many bubbles and so little learned. Now that I'm back in the aquarium, my thirst for knowledge has only increased with each fish flake filled day.
I've decided to take Reading classes at the learning annex in the corner of the tank by the green rocks and water filter. Gordon has offered to lead the classes. At the end of the semester, I plan to pen my own Ocean Girl reboot script and finally change the world forever.
Perry the Piranha.